Productivity Was My Favorite Trauma Response. Until My Body Filed a Resignation.

I used to wear productivity like armor.

You could see it on my face. In my calendar. In my obsession with checking off the to-do list before I even finished my morning coffee. I didn’t just enjoy being productive. I built my self-worth on it and around it.

It made me feel competent. Validated. In control.

And if I’m being really honest… it kept me distracted from the deep ache I didn’t want to face.

The ache of not feeling safe. Of never feeling enough.

Of equating stillness with failure.

And if any of this feels familiar to you, I want you to know something straight up:

You’re not broken.

You’re just burned out from surviving in systems that reward self-abandonment.

And I think it’s high time that we have an honest conversation about it.

I thought I was being efficient.

Turns out, I was just scared.

I used to say yes to everything. Because I didn’t want to be seen as difficult.

I worked through illness, heartbreak, exhaustion, all with a tight smile and a flawless project deck. I took on more than I had capacity for, because I genuinely believed over-delivering was the path to safety.

The praise felt like medicine. Until my body started rejecting the prescription.

The Signs I Ignored (Until They Got Loud)

I’ll list them here in case you’re scanning this during your lunch break, feeling like something’s off but unsure what:

• Brain fog so bad, I’d forget words mid-sentence

• A tight chest every Sunday night

• Random waves of anxiety for no reason

• Sleep? Inconsistent. Energy? Fluctuating. Joy? Faked.

• That haunting feeling that rest had to be earned

• Weekends that felt just as normal workdays did.

• Having more colleagues than actual friends. Because I no longer made time to see my friends.

If you’re nodding right now, I see you. And I’m sure you’ve heard the advice: “Just set boundaries! Take a break!”

But here’s the thing nobody says out loud:

When productivity is your trauma response, slowing down can feel like a threat.

What’s Underneath the Hustle?

This is where I decided to get deeply introspective. Because productivity, for many of us, wasn’t about ambition.

It was about survival.

I know now that I learned to hustle young. Not because I was born with grind culture DNA, but because being helpful, capable, high-achieving made me feel safe. Loved. Valued.

And that pattern followed me into adulthood like a shadow.

It’s why I kept proving myself to people who never once asked me to. Also why I thought that having achievements and validation would make me earn respect…and maybe even love.

If you’ve ever said “I don’t even know who I am without work”…

I get it. I’ve lived it. And I’d advise you to pause right there. Because that sentence is just begging for deeper introspection.

When My Body Filed a Resignation

I didn’t quit. My body did it for me first. And thank goodness it did, because that was the exact wake up call I needed.

It stopped tolerating the late nights, the shallow breathing, the pretending.

The migraines started getting more frequent. I couldn’t concentrate. I started forgetting things.

And then one day, I sat in front of my laptop, hands frozen, eyes blurry, and I just… couldn’t.

I didn’t need a sabbatical. I needed a nervous system reset. I needed to unlearn everything I’d taught myself about success.

I realize now that the cost of betraying your body for your job adds up quietly, until it then hits like a bill you never saw coming.

How I Started to Heal (And You Can Too)

I don’t have a 5-step formula or a perfect morning routine. I have something better: hard-won clarity.

Here’s where I’d start if you’re ready to come back to yourself:

🔹 1. Question your praise addiction

If your worth is built on being needed, helpful, or productive… be gentle. And ask: What happens when I’m not?

🔹 2. Make space to do nothing. On purpose

Schedule silence like a meeting. Feel the discomfort. Let it teach you something.

(Stillness was the scariest thing I ever did. But also the most honest.)

🔹 3. Check who benefits from your burnout

If your role, your manager, or your workplace is built around your over-functioning, that’s not loyalty. That’s emotional labor on tap.

🔹 4. Rewire your version of success

For me, success now looks like this:

• A nervous system that isn’t on high alert

• Work that aligns with my integrity

• Boundaries that don’t need to be justified

• Slow mornings and a work-life balance that I actually LOVE

I’m sure that looks different for everyone. But if yours hurts, it might not be yours at all.

Let’s Redefine Career Wellness (Together)

Here’s what I’ve learned:

Career wellness isn’t about work-life balance.

It’s about nervous system literacy, identity reclamation, and spiritual alignment.

If you’re ready to move from survival to self-trust…

If you’re craving a career that feels like you, not just one you’re good at…

I want to invite you to start with my free guide:

👉 The Career Clarity Blueprint: 5 Days to Promotions, Pay Raises and Career Shifts

Or if you’re ready to go deeper — we can walk through it together in a Free 1:1 Career Clarity Call. You don’t have to figure it out alone.

Final Thought

I don’t hate productivity. I just refuse to worship it anymore. Productivity is amazing when it’s aligned productivity. The kind that brings you joy and excitement, not burnout.

Now, I build from rest, not in spite of it. And I’m not here to hustle for my worth. I’m here to honor it.

You too?

Let’s rebuild, together.